I Can't Tell Where I Leave Off And He Begins
by liar-liar23
Summary: Canon time period AU - Merlin and Arthur became open with each other about their feelings, but Merlin was banished from Camelot after he and Arthur were caught together. Arthur left with Merlin, much to Merlin's surprise. The two of them are attempting to find a life together outside of Camelot, struggles included. But will something eventually draw them back? Probably destiny.
1. The Sea I'm Sinking In

**Author's notes**:

Merlin canon time period AU

Arthur x Merlin

During the canon events of the first three seasons (with a small alteration here and there), Merlin and Arthur became open with each other about their feelings. Maybe a little too open. Merlin was banished from Camelot after he and Arthur were caught together.

I meant for this to be a one-shot, where Merlin and Arthur were frolicking in the woods, because the nature scenes are so pretty. It was the perfect setting. But I can't have anything that is just fluff, thus it turned into this.

xxxx

Summer was fading. Though everything was still green and vibrant and the brook that split the land was running at full, it was still clear that the seasons would change. The thread that was hung between two trees had clothes hung over it, drying from having been washed less than an hour ago. A small fire burned, boiling water placed over it. A boy – no, a man, he'd been through quite enough to be considered just a boy – was tending to it. On one side a spread of twigs with the leaves separate and drying berries were set out on a cloth. On his other side lied a former prince, who clearly no longer held that title, for there were bits of dirt across his cheeks and he was sleeping on the forest ground under a ragged blanket. His blond hair stuck to his forehead from the sweat. He was sick and the other man didn't know what to do for him.

These were the times that he regretted everything. The man tending to the water with the dark hair and the wide eyes bared guilt. It was his destiny, supposedly, to protect Arthur. He'd protected Arthur, the best that he could and the best that he knew how, but he hadn't anticipated falling in love with him. He hadn't anticipated acting on his feelings. He certainly hadn't anticipated Arthur returning his feelings, or being banished from Camelot because of these feelings. Even more so, he hadn't expected Arthur to come with him when he left.

It was a blur how it even began. One day Arthur was calling him an idiot and the next he was sharing his bed with him. They were foolish for thinking that it would go undiscovered if they kept up the way they were (the two boys could hardly keep their hands to themselves). This was nearly as serious as his magic, which he tried to hide from Arthur even during their canoodling (eventually he told Arthur, and Arthur was too far taken with him to care, which was another outrageous part of the already shocking events). They were discovered and he was banished from the kingdom. Only he was, because Arthur was prince and surely, he was being tricked by his servant. Though Arthur came with him just when he had given up and thought he was completely alone.

Prince Arthur came to live in the woods with his manservant. They had both decided this was the best place for them. They had no need for society, no need for company, and no resources for their children for they were unable to conceive. All they needed was each other.

"_Besides, Merlin, it's not like you can't just conjure us up something to eat. We won't starve,"_ Arthur had said. There was the end of that fantasy.

Merlin wanted to reply with, 'Oh yes, it will be that easy.' Though it wasn't. There were certain rules with magic. You couldn't conjure food out of midair. You could change food into different foods, you could multiply food once you had it, but you could not make food from nothing. He tried to explain to Arthur that there were rules, and at first, Arthur was outraged. They thought it was hopeless, they fought, and they regretted everything in that moment. But of course, they made up later. They were hopelessly in love. Was this somehow part of Merlin's great 'destiny'? It certainly didn't seem so. Arthur was sick and he didn't know how to help him.

Merlin sighed softly as he scanned one of the healing books that Gaius had given to him as he left. He ought to have listened better, ought to have done what he was told. Maybe he would have picked something up that was useful. For now, he would make the soup he'd planned on making, which contained things for a bad stomach and aches. He reached over to place the back of his hand on Arthur's forehead, testing to see if he was as hot as he was when they'd gone to sleep (or Arthur had gone to sleep and Merlin had stayed up worrying). He wasn't, but he'd had time to cool down overnight simply because of the temperature outside.

"Morning, Merlin." Arthur said with his voice thick with sleepiness. His eyes blinked open slowly, a small smile spread over his features.

"Hi." Merlin said in response, looking at him from above, their faces turned upside down to one another. "Feeling any better?"

"I'm not sure, I've just woken." Arthur said looking up to focus on Merlin's gaze. He licked over his lips, smacked them together a little. "My mouth is dry and I'm starving." He commented.

"Probably because you puked your guts out before we went to sleep and then you slept with your mouth gaped open." Merlin said.

"Shut up." Arthur replied, closing his eyes back. He huffed, before looking back up at Merlin. "Did you sleep at all?"

"Doesn't matter." Merlin said with his words rushed together. "I'm making soup, but in the meantime, have some berries." He told Arthur. Then, he bent down to place a kiss to his lover's forehead. He sat back upright, gathering the pile of berries that weren't dried for later.

Arthur sat up to eat the handful of berries, humming a soft murmur of satisfaction. He was given a cup of water as well, and then a little later a small kiss. The former prince stopped Merlin there, keeping him close. He didn't say anything. He did this often, where he felt as if he couldn't say the words that he wanted, so he just wanted Merlin to feel him close to him. After a moment, he released him, wanting to try and stand. Merlin was worried he wouldn't be able to.

They had only been away for a few weeks. Merlin thought that maybe Arthur was suffering from such a drastic change of lifestyle. Arthur had been used to sleeping in comfortable, clean, warm living chambers and now he was sleeping on the damp, cold, dirt forest floor. He'd been used to a feast literally fit for a prince every dinner, and if not also for breakfast and lunch. Merlin usually brought him his meals, so he knew there was always something more than ruddy berries for him to eat. Their luck with hunting hadn't been very well, and with Arthur sick, Merlin really did feel useless.

He watched as the blond man stood, stretching his arms up and rolling his shoulders. His knees wobbled and he dropped toward the ground, catching himself on one hand and wincing. Merlin rushed over to help him. It pained him to see his lover suffering. He took Arthur around his waist, trying to steadily help him back to the standing position when he walked him back to the place where he was previously lying down. Merlin shook his head, softly rubbing his hand over Arthur's forehead. "I am sorry."

Arthur furrowed his eyebrows, looking up at Merlin. "For what?"

"Whatever it is that I've done to cause you to fall ill." He replied, tears forming in his usually bright eyes.

"You really are as stupid as you look, Merlin." Arthur responded, rolling his eyes ever so slightly. "It isn't your fault that I'm ill."

"I feel responsible." Merlin said, "And I don't really appreciate being called stupid when I'm trying to help you." He finished sternly, the tears not going away.

Arthur sighed, moving up from his spot to sit. He faced Merlin, looking into his eyes and finding the true concern there. Not that he doubted it before, it was only more apparent in that moment. So apparent, he felt compelled to apologize. Merlin accepted, looking from Arthur's gaze to his lap. Arthur reached forward to tip his chin up, for Merlin to look back at him. "Whatever this stupid illness is, it is no fault of yours. Stop feeling sorry for the two of us and get back to being the strong, brave, clever man that I fell in love with." Arthur said, dropping his hand and giving a sharp nod.

Merlin smiled, nodding back in several motions. "I'm sorry—"

"Stop apologizing. Just get back to the stew or whatever it is you're making. I'm going to walk the horses down to the stream so they can drink." He said, pushing himself up again.

"No, no." Merlin said, putting his hand on Arthur's knee and keeping him where he was. "You sit here. Tend to the soup. I'll walk the horses."

"But I don't know the first thing about soup."

"Now's a good time for you to learn." Merlin said, getting up this time. He dusted his knees off, gave Arthur a smile, and headed over to the horses.

xxxx

Later that day, Arthur fell back to sleep, looking peaky as he dreamed. His eyes twitched and he made quiet noises that indicated that he was having a vivid dream. Likely about Camelot. Merlin knew that Arthur had dreams about his home, about his people. He left it all for Merlin. That didn't mean it didn't stir in the back of Arthur's mind what was to happen to his kingdom. Merlin was afraid as well, wondering if he was taking this destiny of his all wrong by taking Arthur away from it.

For the moment, Merlin would ignore that thought and find a healing spell. He was paging through the healing section of his spell book, waiting until he found one that fit Arthur's symptoms well enough. Once he did, he took the time to carefully enchant the stew that he'd drawn out in a bowl for Arthur. He set the bowl aside, waking his prince. His and only his.

"Wake up, sleepyhead." He teased lightly, brushing Arthur's sweat-damped hair out of his forehead.

Arthur mumbled something about Merlin always being too cheerful. He reluctantly and slowly ate the stew, finally admitting that it was good. Some things would never change.

xxxx

The following morning worked much differently than the previous. Merlin was still awake before Arthur, sorting through herbs and plants. He always did that during his spare time, making sure they had resources and organized ones at that. Arthur surprised him though, waking up feeling loads better. He quietly rose, and put his hands on Merlin's sides. "Morning."

Merlin jumped, possibly even let out a very manly yelp. He moved to face Arthur, expression turning into a wide grin. "Morning." He said, looking over his lover. He had color back in his cheeks and his eyes had life back in them. "Wow, you look better!"

"Saying I looked bad before?" Arthur asked, quirking an eyebrow with the smile that spread over his lips. He chuckled, moving his legs over Merlin's and trapping him where he sat.

"No!" Merlin said quickly, shaking his head. He smiled back, bringing his hands up to cup Arthur's face. "Beautiful, always."

Arthur kept a smile of his face, bringing a hand up to catch on Merlin's arm and keep him where he was. Just close. He wanted to stay close to Merlin always, and hoped he always could.

After sitting like that for a moment, Arthur moved first. He stood, very stout this time. He stretched without losing his balance. He looked back at Merlin, "I'm going to take the horses. Will you come with me?"

Merlin nodded. He made sure all his things were still in order, stowed them away. He put an enchantment on their belongings, making sure they would be notified if anyone came across their campsite, because they'd yell in pain of being burned. He followed Arthur over to what they turned into their horse's stables (an area with many trees). Each of them took a horse by their reigns, down to the brook. Across the brook, there was an expanse of grass and wildflowers. It looked very inviting in the bright sunlight. The lovers knew they wouldn't be able to reside in this one spot forever, so they knew to take advantage of what they had. Arthur tied the horses where they were able to reach the water, move a little. He then took off his shoes.

"What are you doing?" Merlin asked, with his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"Getting my feet wet." Arthur said simply. He stepped down into the water, which only came up to his ankles, and when he reached midway it only came to his knees, but just barely. "Come along, Merlin."

Merlin only contemplated it for a moment before he joined Arthur, up to his knees in the water. It felt nice, for it was a warm day. He was enjoying the feel, tempted to get further wet. Suddenly, his temptation was given in to, and only because Arthur splashed him. He looked over at the blonde man, a shocked look on his face. He grinned after though, and moved to do the same to Arthur.

The two of them laughed as they played in the water, until Arthur took off after shoving Merlin just enough for him to lose balance and fall into the water. "You wait, I'll catch you!" Merlin exclaimed, quickly getting himself up.

"Good luck on that." Arthur said, already a good bit ahead of him.

Not minding, Merlin chased after Arthur. The men ran as if they were boys through the green expanse of land with small blurs of whites, blues and purples as they passed by the wildflowers. They ran until they were out of breath. Arthur ran out first, leaving Merlin to have an advantage and catch him. Merlin took Arthur to the ground, sitting on top of him and grinning as he breathed heavily. "Told you I would." He said between breaths, looking down at his lover.

"Yeah, yeah." Arthur breathed back, looking up at Merlin with a slight smile.

"It's time for me to pay you back." Merlin reminded him, hands moving to Arthur's sides. He moved them along his ribcage, causing the blond to squirm and burst into laughter. Merlin grinned, loving seeing Arthur laugh, and be so… free.

Merlin's advantage was short-lived, because Arthur rolled them over and straddled the smaller man's waist. "What should I do with you?" Arthur asked, a smirk falling over his features.

"I don't know." Merlin said, grinning up at Arthur a little.

"It was a rhetorical question, Merlin."

"Right."

Arthur leaned down and pressed his lips firmly to Merlin's, kissing him deeply. He brushed his tongue between the warlock's lips, and was granted entrance. He felt Merlin's arms around his neck, pulling him close. They stayed like that for a moment, never having properly caught their breaths, only to lose air in their lungs again. Arthur pulled back, only because he literally couldn't breathe properly and rolled onto his back beside Merlin.

The other man looked over at Arthur, a small smile on his slightly-swollen-from-the-harsh-attack lips. "You alright?"

"Never been better, actually." He said softly, looking back at Merlin. He sat up, rose from his spot. "Come on, I could use a bath. And so could you."

Merlin nodded quickly, getting up and following Arthur back to the brook. "Are you saying I'm dirty?"

"Yes." The blond shed his clothes, revealing his toned chest and defined abs. Merlin would never get sick of looking at that. "Going to stand there and gawk at me all day, or are you going to join me?" He asked, moving to sink down into the water.

"Join you." Merlin said, mouth quirking up to a smile. He removed his own clothing, piece by piece. He moved down into the water next to Arthur. "We didn't bring any rags." He commented.

Arthur looked over at Merlin, shaking his head. "We didn't." Arthur commented back, "Or buckets." He said.

"Right." Merlin said back, letting out a little nervous laugh. Sometimes, he still felt weird being with Arthur like this. Only because Arthur was his prince, his majesty, and Merlin was only a servant – a magic servant at that, who was supposed to be concealing his powers from Arthur. Of course, as they had found out, things didn't work out the way that they were planned.

The darker haired boy wet his hands in the stream, and then reached up to wipe some of the dirt from Arthur's cheeks. Arthur was scrunching his nose up in distaste, but not batting away Merlin's hand. He let Merlin continue, closing his eyes and feeling him so close. He opened his eyes again, bringing his hand up to stop Merlin's motions. He was clean enough. He cupped his hands, and gathered water in them. "Close your eyes." He said softly (well softly for Arthur and a lot less demanding than usual), and then brought the water up to wet Merlin's hair. Merlin took advantage of the moment, closing his eyes and letting Arthur tend to him. These were the moments that reminded him that they were equal now.

He opened his eyes up when Arthur was done, smiling still at the former prince. "I've got an idea." He said, feeling brave and confident in the moment.

"Oh yeah?" Arthur asked.

"Yep." Merlin said, before he began a spell, which caused the water to rise in a little spout, and float in the air for a moment. He was attempting to wet Arthur's hair gracefully and impressively, however, the water reached there and dropped quickly over his head.

Arthur made a face, spitting out some of it that ended up in his mouth, because he might have had it gaped open a little, always surprised at how beautiful magic could be. "Merlin!" He exclaimed, wiping the water from his eyes.

"Sorry!" Merlin said, moving closer to Arthur.

"It's... fine." Arthur murmured back, a little huffy and pouty.

"Come here." Merlin said, leaning in and kissing him softly. He felt Arthur relax against him, kiss him back. The two exchanged deep kisses and their hands eventually moved to roam over the other's body as they did. Both of them were becoming increasingly aware of the lack of clothing the other was wearing. Arthur initiated things by taking Merlin's hand and showing it to his hardened manhood. Merlin quickly caught on, sucking a little bit of his bottom lip into his mouth as he wrapped his fist around Arthur under the water.

Bathing usually got them to this point. Once, Arthur had asked Merlin to help him wash, saying he was in need of a good scrubbing. A blushing, fumbling Merlin complied, but found himself aroused from running his hands all over Arthur's toned back. He had to step out of the room. The next time Merlin helped Arthur bathe, they were on a new level, having already been intimate. Arthur had pulled Merlin into the tub with him, being playful as he was. It turned into a heated situation, and Arthur surely wasn't complaining about the temperature of the water anymore.

They were in the creek, hands wrapped around on another's erections, legs tangled together and panting into each other's shoulders. Arthur bit down on Merlin's shoulder as he felt himself reach closer to the edge. "Right there, just like that. Please." Arthur chanted against his skin. Merlin smirked, loving when he had this kind of control over Arthur, the chance to tease if he wanted. Though he didn't want to then. He wanted to get off as well. He was celebrating Arthur feeling better as well.

Nearly at the same time, the lovers reached their climax. The two caught their breath, leaving small kisses along each other's skin. Arthur leaned back to look at Merlin first, a lazy smile on his lips. He wrapped both his arms securely around Merlin's waist, keeping him close. They listened to the running water, the singing birds, and the rustle of the trees in the breeze wishing they could stay there forever.


	2. Through It All We Still Remain

Author's notes:

Merlin canon time period AU

Arthur x Merlin

During the canon events of the first three seasons (with a small alteration here and there), Merlin and Arthur became open with each other about their feelings. Merlin was banished from Camelot after he and Arthur were caught together. Arthur left with Merlin, much to Merlin's surprise. The two of them are attempting to find a life together outside of Camelot, struggles included.

I meant to warn that there would be smut periodically. Though, you guys probably expected that with the M rating, or hoped so anyway. Here's to hoping I can continue as well as I did in the first chapter! (No smut this time awh).

Also, the song 'Bird of A Feather' by The Civil Wars inspired my title and that and other Civil Wars songs for chapter titles.

xxxxxxxxxx

"I do not care if there is no trail. I do not care if he left on his own will. I do not care if he dismissed his title. He is my son and he will come back!" Uther exclaimed, slamming his hand down on the table of the throne room. He rested his elbows on the table, covering his face with his hands. The knights cleared out, each looking distressed.

Morgana removed her gaze from the wall and looked over at Uther. "Arthur will return, my Lord. I am sure of it. You know that he can be rather rebellious at times. It will pass. He cares about the people of Camelot, about you."

Uther looked over at Morgana, his expression not changing. "I hope you are right."

"Me too." Morgana lied, turning her head to hide the smirk that formed over her lips. She hoped that Arthur never returned. Things could not be going more perfect for her.

xxxxx

"If someone comes looking for me, Merlin… I cannot kill my own men." Arthur said. He may have detached himself from his title, but he had not yet detached himself from caring about the well-being of his people. They would always be his people. He wanted no harm to come to any of them, especially the men that had always been loyal.

"I understand." Merlin said, nodding quickly. "I was going to Ealdor before you found me. We could stay with my mother. It is outside of Camelot's control, so we may be able to stay there for a while."

Arthur thought it over, and then nodded.

They began packing up, still wishing that they could stay forever in their place beside the brook, with the field, the perfect canopy of trees over their heads. They were too close to Camelot and there were surely knights out looking for Arthur. They would charge Merlin with kidnapping (princenapping?) or something. Neither of them wanted any more trouble than they already seemed to cause with the kingdom.

Merlin still couldn't believe that Arthur had given up his place at the palace, his heir to the throne to be with him. He recalled the night that he left Camelot. He was alone in the forest, no way to make a camp. He had a fire going, a bag with his belongings (which included four shirts, three pairs of pants, a healing book, and a magic book), and the clothes on his back. He planned on making it to his mother's village eventually, but going on foot would take a while. His hope was dampened by the rain storm that had insisted on arriving that night. When Arthur came, he thought for certain someone was there to kill him. All that he saw was the figure of two horses in the distance. He doused his fire and tried to hide. Supposedly, that was how Arthur was sure it was him. When Arthur said his name, Merlin recognized the sound anywhere. They embraced and made love on the damp forest floor.

By horse things hadn't sped up much, especially since Arthur got sick. They made plans to go to Ealdor by night to douse suspicion and the chance of a village person letting their whereabouts be known, in case the word had spread that Arthur was gone.

"What if she won't let us stay?" Arthur asked, beginning to rid himself of the royal title he usually thought he deserved.

Merlin shook his head. "She won't turn us away. She said that I was meant to be by your side, that I needed you and you needed me, that we were two sides of the same coin." He smiled ever so slightly when he remembered her words. "My mother knows that you're my destiny."

Arthur may have found it extremely endearing when Merlin called him his destiny.

The trip was mostly silent, with the rustle of the occasional leaves and the clop of the horses' feet. Arthur traveled slightly ahead of Merlin, always the leader. Merlin didn't expect it to be any different. By sunset, they were close to the village.

"We should wait deeper in the woods than this, Arthur." Merlin insisted.

Arthur sighed heavily. "That's boring."

Merlin rolled his eyes. "So now you're hoping to be seen?"

"No, I'm just a little tired of the woods." He admitted, looking over at Merlin, daring him to say something.

And of course, he did. "You said we could live in the woods forever." Merlin reminded him, feeling a little let down. Maybe Arthur wasn't as amused with this whole situation anymore.

"Yes, but not these woods. They're boring. Get with it, Merlin."

Merlin cracked a smile.

Arthur got off of his horse and led it to a nearby tree to tie it up. He motioned for Merlin to do the same. Merlin huffed, doing the same as Arthur. "Now what?" Merlin asked.

"Come here." Arthur said.

Merlin moved closer to Arthur, raising his eyebrows. "What is it, sire?" He teased, mostly out of habit.

"Entertain me." Arthur grinned, wrapping his arms around Merlin's midsection.

Merlin rolled his eyes a little, but brought an arm around Arthur's neck. He smirked slightly before attaching their lips. He kissed Arthur deeply, who automatically started fighting him for dominance. Merlin was putting up quite a fight though, eager to 'entertain'. He threaded his fingers through Arthur's hair, keeping his head still as he tilted his to deepen the kiss even more. He even backed Arthur up to the nearest tree and pinned him there with his feet. He pulled back from the kiss after a moment, grinning at Arthur, who was looking quite flustered. He brought a hand up to caress Arthur's flushed cheek. He ran his thumb along Arthur's cheekbone, smiling softly. "You're beautiful." He whispered.

Arthur gave Merlin a squeeze, smiling at him a little. He never knew exactly what to say to Merlin, but he hoped he got the point across that he adored Merlin.

xxxxx

After night had fallen, Merlin and Arthur led the horses into the village on foot. The familiarity of Merlin's home filled him, making the weary pit in his stomach fade some. He remembered when Arthur came with him here, giving the village help when Uther couldn't. This was when Merlin realized that Arthur cared about him more than someone should their servant. It touched him deeply that Arthur made effort to help, disobeyed his father. Even if Arthur's method seemed to be in effective at first, it was still the best he knew to do and Merlin appreciated it. Merlin had faith in Arthur, in his home, and in himself. All of these things together again could not fail him. Could they?

The two tied their horses up before approaching Merlin's old home and knocking on his mother's door. When the door opened, his mother gasped. "Merlin!" She exclaimed, holding her arms out. They embraced in a tight hug. "What on Earth are you doing here?" She asked, only just noticing Arthur. "Your majesty." She said, ducking in a bow.

"There's no need for any of that." Arthur said, before Merlin could get the words out of his mouth.

"Yeah, Arthur sort of isn't a prince anymore. It's a long story. Can we stay?" Merlin asked.

With eyebrows furrowed, Merlin's mother allowed them inside. "I already had dinner. I didn't think I was having guests."

"No need to worry." Arthur said, even though his stomach was aching with hunger. They had no luck in hunting that day, and Arthur complained that he was sick of berries.

Merlin opened his mouth to speak, but the words were taking too long to form. What was he supposed to say? His mother had sent him away to Camelot so that he could have a better life and he got himself thrown out. And he took the prince with him. He hadn't planned out the explaining things part.

"Why aren't you both in Camelot where you belong?" His mother asked with eyebrows raised. "What is the meaning of this?" She asked, her voice a little more stern than usual.

Arthur glanced over at Merlin before speaking up. "There was a misunderstanding with my father." He started, looking back at Merlin's mother. "I had an argument with him about… someone I wanted to marry. He thinks that I should not marry for love, and I think that's stupid. So I ran away and Merlin said we could stay here."

Merlin rolled his eyes. Arthur was not the best liar. "I figured the whole thing will blow over soon. Arthur can't sleep without his royal bed sheets." Merlin said, trying to speak up before his mother could say anything. Arthur bumped Merlin with his elbow at the words.

"You are both welcome to stay here." She said, eyeing the two of them. "Why don't the two of you go to bed? I have some blankets to make the floor in your room a little more comfortable, Merlin."

xxxxx

Merlin was not tired, but he pretended to try to sleep. He watched Arthur until he fell asleep though. He smiled softly when he noticed the blond man had fallen asleep, his mouth open ever so slightly and his arm hanging off of the bed. Merlin got up from his place on the floor and tucked the blanket around Arthur a little more. He kissed Arthur's forehead and moved his arm across his chest.

He slipped through the door and out into the kitchen. He was a little surprised to find his mother still sitting up, a candle at the kitchen table. "Merlin." She smiled, "What are you doing?"

"I haven't been sleeping well since we left Camelot." He said, honestly.

"Why is that?"

Merlin sighed quietly, pulling up a chair. "It's complicated. Arthur got sick a couple of nights ago." He looked up at her with furrowed eyebrows. "Why are you awake?"

"Because I know that you and Arthur did not tell me the truth." She said.

Merlin looked down at the table-top. "We did not." He admitted quietly, feeling bad for lying to his mother, even if it had hardly lasted a few hours. "How did you know?"

She rested her cheek in her palm, "Arthur isn't much for lying." She said.

"No, he isn't." Merlin grinned a little. "He gets too serious, his jaw clenches too tight and…" He trailed off, looking back at his mother. "We sort of did run away from Camelot. It is difficult to explain."

"A messenger came from Camelot." She said, and Merlin's eyes widened. He sat up straight, listening closely. "He said that Arthur was tricked into leaving the kingdom by his manservant named Merlin. That Merlin had likely used magic to enchant Arthur. The long-term goal was the fall of Camelot." She sighed quietly, shaking her head. "I know that cannot be the truth either."

Merlin shook his head. "I would never have taken Arthur away from Camelot against his will. Never." He said, jaw trembling a little as he tried to hold back the emotion that was threatening to pour through with his words.

"I know that, Merlin. Calm down." She said, bringing a soothing hand over to Merlin's shoulder and squeezed. "What has happened?"

"I do not know how to explain it." Merlin said, taking a deep breath. "The connection that Arthur and I share is something beyond that of a man and his servant. The way that we care for each other is further than that of a friend. The love that we share is different than of brothers." He shook his head, searching for more words to explain. "Arthur means the entire world to me. He is my destiny, he is my everything. I love him."

Merlin's mother watched her son carefully as he spoke, with her eyebrows furrowed. "I did not know there was such a connection between two men." She said with a soft voice. "Though, if it is possible, I would believe that it was between you and Arthur. I said before that I believed you two did well together."

Merlin smiled, tears prickling in his eyes. He knew that his mother would understand if he was able to properly explain himself. He didn't think that his words fully covered it, but they would do. "When you become so invested in someone, hiding the way that you feel becomes difficult. I never dreamed that Arthur was as invested in me as I was him." Merlin went on, shaking his head. "I knew he cared for me more than most men did their servants, but I had no idea that he loved me as I did him. Until… well, we became foolishly confident in our relationship – like nothing could touch us, you know?" He asked, not really looking for a response, but just speaking.

"King Uther caught us together." Merlin explained, embarrassed of himself for letting that happen in the first place. "Of course, that was not what Uther had in his plans for Arthur. I was locked up for hours, and then banished from Camelot." Merlin was ashamed to admit this to his mother, for she sent him to Camelot for a better life. "I was coming back here alone. I stopped and made camp for the night. That was when Arthur found me." He smiled at that thought. "I told him to go back. I begged him to go back. But... truthfully, I was too happy to let him go back." He said quietly, feeling selfish. "We want to run far away. We thought that it was safe to stay here for a while, but…"

"I wish that you could stay here longer." She told him. A small smile was present on her lips though. "I have never seen you feel so strongly about anything before, Merlin. I sent you to Camelot to live a better life. Arthur is your better life." She nodded, smiling at him still. "I will conceal the two of you here for a few days' time. You promise me that when you leave, you will find the perfect place to continue that better life?"

"I promise." Merlin replied. He and his mother stood and embraced, both tearful and hugging the other tightly. "Arthur is worth all of this. He is a good man. I feel so selfish for keeping him to myself."

"He would not have left Camelot for you if he didn't think you were worth it."

Arthur, who had been listening at the doorway since he heard the words 'Arthur isn't much for lying', was fighting the tears that were prickling in his eyes. He whispered, "He is worth it." The sound was barely above a breath.


	3. Down the Road That Has No End

canon time period AU, Arthur x Merlin

During the canon events of the first three seasons (with a small alteration here and there), Merlin and Arthur became open with each other about their feelings. Merlin was banished from Camelot after he and Arthur were caught together. Arthur left with Merlin, much to Merlin's surprise. The two of them are attempting to find a life together outside of Camelot, struggles included.

**Author's Note**:

Morgana either saw Arthur and Merlin fooling around or something, she realized that Arthur cared very deeply about Merlin and figured shit out, or she had some dream about the two of them. I haven't decided which yet. And Morgana saw this as a way to take 'proper place at the throne', because I want to say most of season 3 is canon in this story.

I started writing this before I watched all of season 3, and then I saw Queen of Hearts and I was like… welp, Arthur would run away with the person that he loved sooo. If this backstory sounds similar to that, I KNOW ALREADY. So, all the events in the series are fairly canon up to that episode, as I've said, cause that would make things simpler.

_italics_ = past events

p.s. I wanted to post up another chapter before I moved back into my dorm and started a new semester of college. I really hope that I find time for this story during school. I've already become attached to it.

xxxxx

Hiding out was no fun. By the third day, Arthur had just about had enough. Ealdor, though better than the forest floor, was still not up to Arthur's standards, on top of that. He was trying his best to lower them, he really was. The adjustment was rough. He was trying to make the best of what they had. Merlin was worth it. Besides, his mother was sweet and after the conversation that he overheard between the two of them, he couldn't help but feel at home (as at home that a prince could feel in a tiny little cottage with one fireplace and a bed that hardly fit the expanse of his shoulders). He hated staying hidden more than anything though. He did not want to put Merlin's mother in any type of danger, so he stayed quietly in the house. It left him to think about where they would travel.

Maybe to a village far, far away and he could buy a bit of land. Arthur had heard that further north, it was even more green and there were even more mountains. They could live in the mountains and have a farm. That lifestyle may seem like heaven after all of this traveling. Though anything was heaven with Merlin, Arthur thought.

Merlin was feeling useless. His mother was having to fix triple the food that she usually would, and still only had the same amount of help as usual because he and Arthur couldn't leave the house. And what help was Arthur in the kitchen?

The lovers were seated at the kitchen table, staring at each other with the same look. 'I can't do this much longer'. No matter what the future held, the two of them were used to much more than hiding in a house. Merlin wished that he did not have to leave his mother, again and again, but she understood. She would be safe outside of Camelot, wouldn't she? He hoped so.

"Alright, it's ready." Merlin's mother announced, smiling warmly as she faced them. She had prepared a whole chicken, along with potatoes, all covered in herbs. Merlin moved to help her get the plates ready.

After they were all settled with their food, they began their dinner. Arthur had never loved chicken quite as much as he did right then.

"Thank you so much, mum. I know that it isn't every day that you make a chicken dinner." Merlin said. He barely looked away from his plate either.

"It isn't, but I thought you two looked hungry." She smiled.

"We definitely were." Arthur said, mouth still full of food.

Merlin looked up and snickered a little at him. "We've had pretty ruddy luck at hunting. Though, Arthur's been sick and I'm not as good as he is." Merlin said.

"I got sick on Merlin's cooking. I don't know exactly what he's good at, but… we'll need to figure it out soon." Arthur teased, looking up to give Merlin a little smirk. "I'm kidding, of course." He added in, to make sure Merlin's mother didn't think he was literally going to insult her son at her dinner table. "He actually made a stew that made me well."

Merlin smiled fondly as Arthur spoke. He looked at his mother and shook his head a little, "I used magic."

"Oh." Arthur said, giving a shrug. He went back to his plate.

Merlin smiled, practically glowed when Arthur treated his magic as if it were nothing. He felt a small wave of guilt run over him though. If Arthur was to become King, he now understood that magic could be used for both good and evil.

Merlin was feeling more and more wary about taking Arthur further away from Camelot. He knew that Morgana was up to no good, that she could bring a lot more destruction then he even understood, probably. Which was the lesser evil, Uther, who refused to be understanding, or Morgana who refused to see anything but revenge and power? He'd left Gaius there with the whole mess, as well as Gwen. Neither of them deserved to be abandoned like that. He tried to keep pushing that away, telling himself that Arthur was his destiny.

But being a great king was Arthur's destiny.

What would happen if they tried to return to Camelot? They way that they left it, surely Uther wouldn't welcome them back with open arms. Maybe Arthur, but not Merlin. Uther had already 'lost' Morgana, and he'd practically just gotten her back. Why wouldn't he forgive Arthur for leaving?

Merlin sometimes wished that he hadn't spoken up about his feelings. Things would be easier that way. That was why he cherished every single moment of this, whatever he had with Arthur. He would never take their relationship for granted. He would never, ever allow anything to happen to Arthur.

xxxxx

_It wasn't quite nightfall yet, the sun was still peeking through the mountains that surrounded Camelot. Dinner was coming to an end. Merlin leaned over Arthur's shoulder, starting to fill his cup the rest of the way, but Arthur placed his hand over it. He glanced up at Merlin and gave him a shadow of a smirk. Arthur pushed his plate away, even though there was food still left on it. He made a dramatic gesture, clutching his stomach. "My, I don't feel very well. I must excuse myself." He stood, scrunching his face up in distaste. "Merlin, assist me to my chambers? After, see if Gaius has something that could possibly settle my stomach." He lowered his voice, as to not be impolite._

_"Yes, sire." Merlin responded, extending an arm out to steady Arthur, who was pretending (and very well) to be unbalanced. He helped Arthur through the door, into the hallway, up a staircase. Until things took a turn. _

_Arthur shoved Merlin against the nearest wall. He let out a surprised gasp. "Arthur!"_

_"Dinner was boring." Arthur complained, wrapping his arm around Merlin's lower back and pulled him close against him. "Wouldn't you agree?" He asked, attaching his lips to Merlin's neck and trailing kisses there. He smirked against the skin when he heard Merlin attempting to stutter out a reply. "Mm, entertain me." He demanded._

_Merlin caught his breath and gathered his thoughts. "If you'll allow me to take you to your chambers." He said, voice low and seductive, his hands tucking into the back of Arthur's trousers. _

_"Oh, I will." Arthur grinned playfully, before dipping his head forward and kissing Merlin deeply. _

_Merlin wrapped his arms around Arthur, pulling them tighter together, if that was even possible. Arthur grinned against Merlin's lips. Neither of them should've been doing this in the hallway, rather than a hidden corridor or the privacy of Arthur's chambers. The thrill was exhilarating, but they both realized they needed to move things along. Playfully, Arthur picked Merlin up, leaving Merlin wiggling his legs and laughing. He was let go of, and they went to Arthur's chambers._

_xx_

_"You should make sure Arthur is alright, sire, don't you think?" Morgana suggested as the rest of the table was being excused. She smiled, "He would do the same for you."_

_"Yes, I suppose I could." Uther agreed, pushing away from the table._

_xx_

_Inside Arthur's chamber's, Merlin had automatically reconnected their lips. He cupped Arthur's cheeks, not letting him move away. Not that Arthur wanted to get away. He wrapped his arm tight around Merlin, keeping him close. Merlin pulled away from the kiss, only to trail more kisses along Arthur's strong jawline, down his neck. "Are my kisses the most entertaining thing you can think of, sire?" Merlin teased, nipping lightly at a section of Arthur's neck._

_Arthur couldn't help the smile spread over his features. "No, actually." Arthur replied. _

_Merlin pulled back, making a face at him. "No?" He asked, feigning offence._

_"Your arse isn't bad for entertainment either." Arthur grinned, giving said body part a squeeze. _

_Merlin laughed, shaking his head. "You're absolutely terrible." He grinned. Merlin returned to kissing Arthur, deep and heavy. They pulled each other close again, never able to get enough of the other._

_ "What on Earth is going on here?!" Uther's voice boomed from the doorway._

_Merlin froze for a moment, before quickly moving back away from Arthur, holding his own hands up._

_"Don't you make a move, boy." Uther said harshly, not looking up at Merlin, but pointing in his direction. "Guards!" He yelled, and men were automatically in the room. "Hold this boy in place." Instantly, Merlin felt the cold hands of armored men holding him where he stood, a spear pressing against his back. He swallowed hard, tears threatening to form in his eyes._

_"Arthur," Uther blustered, facing his son still. His face was contorted in such anger. "Explain yourself."_

_"Father, I…" He faltered, looking up at Merlin for a moment, just in enough time to see him shake his head. His eyes quickly darted back to Uther. "I… have no explanation." Arthur replied._

_"You will tell me what was going on here." Uther demanded, moving close to look Arthur dead in the eyes. "You will tell me why you were allowing him to force sins against nature on—"_

_"That's not fair!" Arthur cut in. He wanted to stand there and declare his love for Merlin, explain how badly he wished to spend his entire life with Merlin. He did not think that was a wise thing to do, and he was torn between ideas. "I... I just… I'm young, and rather… lonely sometimes." He said in a hushed voice, avoiding eye contact._

_Uther looked a little less angry, but disgust was clear in his face. He looked back at Merlin. "Take him away." He told the guards._

_"What are you doing? You can't—"_

_Merlin felt himself being pulled away, eyes burning with tears. He didn't fight it though. He heard Arthur's voice in his ears, but it mostly sounded like noise. He went willfully to be locked in prison. He knew sodomy was looked down upon. It was similar to using magic._

_xxxxx_

_It felt like forever that Merlin sat in that cell, not knowing his fate. Not knowing anything except that this was not part of his destiny. He watched out of the barred window as the sun went down._

_The first person who came to him was Gaius, of course. Melin stood, hands around the gate's metal. "What are they going to do to Arthur?" He asked. His eyes were stinging with tears again._

_"Nothing severe, most likely." Gaius replied calmly._

_Merlin furrowed his eyebrows. "Then what are they going to do with me?"_

_"That, I am not yet aware." Gaius answered calmly. "I can't see Arthur allowing anything to happen to you, but then again, he may be in more trouble than I am anticipating."_

_"I am sorry, Gaius." He said, with eyebrows still furrowed in worry. "I was acting upon desire and selfishness, rather than considering the harm that may come with my actions."_

_"I am surprised it was this you were caught doing, rather than using magic." Gaius said quietly, the edge of his mouth quirked up in a tiny smile._

_"How is this a smiling matter?" Merlin asked._

_"You were acting upon destiny, and that was all." Gaius said simply._

_Merlin did not know what Gaius was trying to say. He did not know why it seemed to be so light to him, while Merlin was still carrying a heavy heart._

_xx_

_The second person who came to him was Uther. He straightened up, stiffening his jaw and clearing all signs of emotion from his face. He did not move, nor speak until he was spoken to._

_"You will leave Camelot. You will go as far away from Camelot as you can. You will not speak of Arthur. You will not think of Arthur. You will get out of my sight. You have until dawn."_

xxxxx

Merlin turned over on his place on the floor to look at Arthur, who was situating himself on Merlin's bed. He smiled fondly when Arthur turned and met his gaze.

"C'mere, you." Arthur said quietly, using a hand to beckon Merlin forward. Without a second of hesitation, Merlin climbed away from his place on the floor and situated himself in the bed, using Arthur as his mattress, hands folded along his chest and a small smile on his lips. Arthur's hand was stroking at the back of Merlin's hair. They enjoyed the silence for a while.

"What did your father say to you after he sent me off?" Merlin asked.

Arthur looked up, rather than at Merlin. His hand moved away from Merlin's hair. "My father nearly had you killed. I could not bear the thought." He said simply. "I do not wish to speak of this, Merlin."

"Arthur, speak to me as your lover, not as your servant." Merlin said softly. "We shall one day tell each other everything."

"Sorry." Arthur muttered, and then looked up at Merlin. "It's not like you listened to me when you were my servant either." He said playfully, giving Merlin a little smile.

Merlin laughed softly, shaking his head. "You have a point."

Arthur sighed quietly. "As you know, my father is difficult to deal with."

xxxxx

_"Of all the choices a prince is presented with, all the mistresses, the willing women who are out there, you chose to use your manservant!" Uther exclaimed. He made a sound of disgust, shaking his head. "I suppose you realize I cannot allow this to continue, or go with impunity."_

_Arthur looked up at his father, taking in a deep breath. "What are you talking about?"_

_"I cannot allow this to continue, Arthur."_

_"I care deeply for—"_

_ "That is not acceptable. You are to one day be King, you must marry a woman, you must have children and continue the…"_

_"That is not what makes me happy!" Arthur interrupted._

_Uther glared at his son. "We have been through this before. Being a king is not always about being happy."_

_"I love Merlin." Arthur said finally._

_"Then he is to be sentenced to death."_

_"Father!" Arthur exclaimed, with his face contorted in emotion. The mere thought of that was too much for Arthur to bear. It was not fair that his father lack understanding. There were men united in spiritual brotherhood often enough that he'd heard of it. He would find a way to break Merlin out and they would run away together. "Please, I beg you. Anything but that!"_

_ "Merlin is banished from Camelot for putting the idea of such filth into your mind."_

_"But Father!" Arthur exclaimed, shaking his head. "I- I can't just trust anyone to be my manservant. I can't do without him!" He tried to make excuses._

_Uther's tone continued to be cold, his face hard with anger. "I gave you a second choice, Arthur. You are never going to see him again one way or another."_

_"Let me tell him goodbye." Arthur asked, "Let me tell him he must leave."_

_"What part of 'never going to see him again' are you not getting, Arthur? You will stay in your chambers!" Uther yelled this time, stamping his foot as he spoke. _

_Arthur had never seen his father so angry, except when he was dealing with magic. And Merlin had magic, on top of everything else. Arthur stayed silent, making the decision final then. He would leave Camelot if that was what Merlin had to do._

xxxxx

"I knew from the moment that he threatened to have you killed that I was running away with you, really. I was not going to let that happen." Arthur said, stroking Merlin's hair again. His eyebrows were furrowed with emotion. "You mean more to me than I can ever show you."

Merlin smiled softly, despite the small pit feeling that has risen in his stomach at the retelling of what Uther had said. "Thank you." Merlin said softly.

"Do not thank me. Just know that I love you." Arthur said, keeping Merlin's gaze when he spoke.

Merlin felt the pit in his stomach go away completely at those words. "I love you too."

The silence was fine after that.

xxxxx

"We're going to go –"

"Don't tell me where." His mother hushed him, as they held onto each other's arms.

"Well… I don't think we quite know anyway." Merlin said, a hint of a smile on his face. He moved in the rest of the way to embrace his mother in a tight, long hug.

"Be safe." She said, smiling softly at her son as he pulled back.

Arthur approached her. "Thank you for the hospitality, really. I know Merlin is your son, but you didn't have to take me in with all that is going on."

"Of course I did." She said, "You two come in a package, do you not? Where one is, so is the other."

Arthur huffed out a little laugh. "That is true."

She pulled Arthur into a hug as well. Arthur felt a small swell of emotion in his chest. He'd never been hugged by a mother-figure before. "Now get going so you can find a camp before it's too late." She said, smiling brightly as she faced them.

Merlin nodded, trying not to let it show on his face how much he didn't want to leave her again. Arthur placed his arm around Merlin's shoulder, steering him around. He pulled the hood of the cloak they had decided it was best to wear up around Merlin's head. He pulled up his own hood before he climbed onto his horse. Together, they rode out of Ealdor, and further away from Camelot. The moonlight lit their way until they got into the thick woods.

"We could make camp over that way until dawn." Arthur said, after they rode awhile in the pitch black.

Merlin sniffed, trying to quickly hide his emotion. "Um, yes. That's a good idea." He said.

They led their horses over to be tied, removed some of the things from their bags to make a more comfortable sleeping area. Once they set things up, they settled in the blankets.

Arthur wrapped his arm around Merlin, sensing that he wasn't happy about leaving his mother. Hell, he hadn't been happy about leaving his father. It didn't matter how unfair he was, how much he refused to understand, how cruel he could be… It was still his father. He could only imagine how hard it was for Merlin to leave his mother, who was such a kind woman.

"I just… it's easier when I don't have to see her." Merlin tried to explain, curling into Arthur. He buried his face in Arthur's chest for a while, seeking comfort. Arthur gave it to him, even if he wasn't doing those lovely circle motions on his back with his hand. "What if something bad happens to her because of this?"

Arthur stayed silent for a moment. He feared the same. "Everything is going to be just fine." He whispered softly, placing a kiss on Merlin's cheek. He didn't want to worry Merlin any further for right now. "Go to sleep."

Merlin tried, but instead he listened to Arthur's breathing until it was deep into the night.


End file.
